Getting Personal

First things first: I apologize for not blogging for so long. I am sure that your days were filled with wondering what I am up to and worry for my well being...well probably not... but I am sure you thought "Blog already!".

I tend not to blog when I am stressed, overwhelmed, and tired. I feel that if I do...I will get too personal and regret what I share with you. But then I thought "HEY! who wants to read boring quips about homework and working out?" Not me, so I am going to get a little personal (not too personal - just a little).

This past year has been very hard for me, I work, go to school, counsel, and exercise, try to do homework, teach primary, and try to maintain my relationships with family, friends and husband. Often times I come home exhausted, I have no energy to call friends and wish them happy birthday, or laugh with my sister on the phone. I don't have any strength to rub my husbands shoulders or clean my floors or talk with my mom....It is just too much.

In truth Monday through Thursday I see my husband maybe 2 hours a day. This is hard because there we have lost so much time with one another, but when I come home (and should be calling people, cleaning and doing homework) my husband and I usually just stop what we are doing and go to our room and talk, share our days that we have missed, then read our book together, and fall asleep. When the weekend comes I still don't get anything done because it is the only 2 days that I have with him. I have grown tired of this cycle, tired of not having enough time for me, and tired of feeling overwhelmed. While I have love our moments of reading, our Sunday walks, and laughing...I feel the strained with the limited time I have in my life.

Yet, I am so blessed, because while I have been pursuing my education, he has not complained, he has made me dinners, done the dishes, washed the laundry, sent me emails, read to me, cuddled me, bought me flowers, and even took time to send me a poem when he should have been writing his paper.

What makes him great, what makes him wonderful to me is that he has the right to whine and complain about his absent wife but instead he stops and asks "how can I help" he takes the time to let me know he cares. That is the only thing that has gotten us through this time.

I asked him the other day as we were walking "Why have you been so wonderful when I have been tired, stressed, angry, and so unavailable...you should be mad at me for being gone so much!" his reply was "It is when you are like this that I need to show you I love you the most...it is when I am upset about it that I need let you know I care" he continued "Just like when you feel you don't want to pray...that is when you need to pray the most."

Where did I find this incredible man? I am thankful that he has shown me he loves me because then I am less stressed, less angry, I make myself find a little more time, and I am no longer tired.